Death Work for Broken Hearts
I mentioned in a recent Tik Tok how folks are sometimes surprised to learn that, as a Death Worker, I spend most of my time working with the living!
That's because Death is Change, and Change is omnipresent in our lives.
At the Grief Recovery Institute, we have three definitions for what grief is -
The normal and natural reaction to loss.
The feeling of reaching out for someone who’s always been there for you, only to discover when you need them one more time, they are no longer there.
The conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.
You can see that, based on those definitions, grief covers A LOT of the human experience. I meet a lot of people who claim "Oh I don't think I've experienced grief, I've never had anyone in my life die that really impacted me," or "I've never really even been to a funeral!" but that's confining grief to just the physical loss of someone to death. But loss, change, and heartbreak come in so many different forms throughout our lives! Even positive life events that usher in big change can still deeply disrupt our sense of self and how we relate to and operate in the world.
If you've ever experienced any of the following, then I'm here to tell you that your life has absolutely been touched and shaped by grief:
Changes in romantic relationships (including marriage, divorce, separations, breakups, opening up relationships to ethical non-monogamy, etc)
Changes in mental or physical health (including illness, injury, sexual orientation, gender identity & confirmation, puberty, aging, menopause, etc)
Changes in employment (graduation, career changes, layoffs, retirement, etc)
Changing homes, cities, countries, communities, and social circles
Experiences of pregnancy, fertility issues, and miscarriage
Any loss of faith, safety, identity, or trust
Death or loss of a beloved pet
Financial or legal crisis
A Global Frickin' Pandemic
So, yeah. Pretty much all of us can benefit from Death Work to help address these big moments of transition and aaaallllllll the conflicting feelings that follow.
The tough news is that most societies these days are death-phobic and do a garbage job of teaching us how to cope with grief! But the good news is that there are Death Workers like myself who can absolutely help teach you the right tools and knowledge to heal a broken heart instead of just repressing, compartmentalizing, and letting years go by feeling numb to the joys of life because you're ill-equipped to face the pain that comes along with it.
~ Anna
